I had a love/ hate relationship with bedtime. I loved the wave of relief that comes when all the kids are down for the night. I loved the feeling of accomplishment that we all survived another day. I loved the thought of my little angels sleeping peacefully. I loved how quiet my house gets. I loved that I have some time to myself with no interruptions. I loved that I don’t have to change anymore diapers until morning.
The hate part of the relationship came when the children wouldn’t stay in their beds and go right to sleep. They needed a drink. They needed to go to the bathroom. They forgot to take out the garbage. They forgot to put their shoes away. They just miss me so much that they have to find me again and again and again and again. They have to play with their favorite toy. Or they just decided it’s time to have a really good cry.
I really hated this battle of making them go to sleep. It was absolutely miserable! Especially after a long day, the last thing I wanted was one more battle.
So I gave up.
I don’t try to make my kids go to sleep anymore. Now I just expect them to stay in their beds and to stay quiet.
If I have a hard time getting myself to go to sleep sometimes then my kids probably do to. Expecting them to stay in their beds gives me something that I can enforce. It is really hard to give a consequence for not sleeping. But I can give consequences for not staying in bed. And even little kids can learn to stay there.
When one of my kids gets out of bed I just calmly return them there, as many times as I have to. Some nights it is ten times and some nights it is zero. I don’t say much to them. If I do, it’s something like, “It’s bedtime. Please stay in bed. Goodnight.” They do get bored of this game and eventually learn to just stay in bed.
When I hear them playing with toys I take the toys away. If it is keeping them awake then it needs to leave the room. They can get it from me in the morning. We have been doing it this way consistently for so long that if I go into their room and they are playing with toys I don’t even have to say anything. They just hand me the toy and climb back in bed. 🙂 It’s awesome!
The hardest one is when they are crying. It is so hard to tell whether they are really sad about something or if they are just trying to stay up. I know my kids and I can usually tell why they are crying. When they are sad I will take some time to hold them to let them know that I love them. But we always stay in their room. It is bedtime and that is where their bed is.
Having a routine at bedtime gives us a chance to make sure that everyone has used the bathroom, and gotten a drink, and done everything else they need to. Then there are no more excuses left to be coming out of their room at night.
Sometimes, as we are about to start into our nightly routine I can tell that they are not tired at all. That is when we go outside and run races in the backyard. 🙂 They LOVE that! They would do it every night if I let them. Kids have so much energy and some days they don’t get to burn it all so I help them. We do running races, and crab walk races, and obstacle races. Or I will just have them run around the backyard once or twice and show me a trick they can do. This gets them wound up at first but when we come inside and start into our bedtime routine they begin to calm down and they are more willing to get in bed and stay there.
The key to this has been consistency and patience. My kids didn’t learn to stay in bed in one night. When I start something new like this with them I usually give myself 7 days to try it out. What happens is the first two days are really hard. The kids just resist the change and I’m trying to adjust to doing something new. Then around day 3 the less stubborn children magically get it! The more stubborn ones usually come around on day 5 or 6. One week is all it takes.
I love bedtime now! I get to feel all of the things I did before but without the things I hated. It gives me such a feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. If the rest of my day went horrible and I didn’t get anything else done that I wanted to, at least I got the kids to go to bed. And to stay there.
If you have success with this I would love to hear your story! Please leave a comment and share this post it. Motherhood is hard and we are all in it together!
I totally notice when I am most frustrated that they are not in bed and playing its my own fault- I haven’t set the guidelines. Good post- I need To be better at staying calm and telling them what I expect so they understand! Then following through calmly. That’s the hardest part. Good advice!
I agree with you. Staying calm is the hardest part! Thanks for reading! 🙂
I am totally enjoying what you have to say. I have no children at home anymore, but what you are doing is exactly what I tried to do and what I try to tell other parents.
Calmness on your part is a huge thing! When you stay calm, you will be thinking clearer and able to really understand what your child needs.
Keep going strong and keep writing the blog. Then I can point my children to it if they need some help with theirs!
Bedtime is such a battle at our house. I’m not a cry it out mom so we are still working on Mira since she’s still little but with jack I really think a better routine would help everything. Thanks!