Manage (or just Survive) the Terrible Twos

My favorite age with kids is from about 10 months to 18 months. At this stage they are just getting mobile, but not enough to cause too much trouble. They are trying to communicate. Everything is an adventure. Soon after though, they turn two.

I have a two year old.

She is crazy, super fun, and I love her to pieces!

Her fashion sense just kills me! 🙂

But it’s not always candy and roses. She can act like a stinker.

The “terrible twos” can be a pain (understatement of the year). I often have to talk myself through it.

The first thing I tell myself when I find her and the bathroom sink covered in bright pink nail polish is that she is just learning to be a grown up.

The terrible twos begin when kids realize they can try to do things they see grown ups do. So they attempt it. And usually with disastrous results. They open cupboards and pull things out. They climb on things to be taller. Almost everything I see my toddler do, I can trace back to something I do.

So what am I modeling? (That’s a scary thought!)

The second thing I tell myself is that this is a great learning opportunity for her. Now she gets to experience what cleaning up after herself feels like.

Two year olds are little sponges. The world is new to them, and they soak it all up. They have discovered they can influence and manipulate their world. They are learning cause and effect.

Together we are building patterns and laying foundation for our relationship as parent and child in years to come. How we deal with mistakes and messes now sets a pattern for us to follow later. Calmly holding them accountable in some measure for their actions solidifies those lessons of cause and effect. Because clean up took some effort, that two year old will think twice before she paints the bathroom sink again.

The most dreaded thing about the terrible twos are the tantrums. I am pretty sure I didn’t model this behavior. At least I don’t remember screaming at the top of my lungs in the grocery store.

Once again, a great learning opportunity is presenting itself to my little sponge, the two year old. What am I going to teach her about throwing a fit? Is it going to get her what she wants? Or is it going to make her life a little more unpleasant?

With some coaching and lots of opportunities to practice she has learned to calm herself down, or to go somewhere private to finish expressing her frustration. Tantrums do not work in her world. I am responsible to teach her that. When we are in a public place we try to find somewhere more private where she can work through her feelings. When she is calm and talking nice I gladly help her if I can.

Two year olds are amazing! They figure things out quick! They know when screaming will work and when it won’t. And they are masters at trying to manipulate the system.

But that is their job. 🙂 My little girl is learning to be a big girl. She is figuring out how the world works and how she fits in it. She has feelings, and desires, and wants just like me. And it’s my job to lovingly guide her through it all.

I believe the terrible twos are the prep work for dealing with teenagers. I haven’t had to raise a teenager yet, but I imagine it is similar. Teenagers, like two year olds, are discovering a new world. They have more independence. They have more  influence. Driving grants them more mobility than ever. They are learning to become adults.

I pray I’ll be ready. But I probably won’t.

I hope she has a little more fashion sense by then. 🙂

Coming soon: Terrible Twos into Terrific Twos