Parenting is about Me

My Baby #6 is due in three weeks.

Because I’ve had the opportunity to be pregnant multiple times I’ve been able to see some patterns in phases that I go through each time. Right now, with only a few weeks left I am in the I-just-want-to-have-this-baby-now phase, which also coincides with the often-waxing-philosophical phase.

So, to distract myself from the I-just-want-to-have-this-baby-now phase, I’m going to wax philosophical for you. 🙂

Here are some things I have learned so far about having kids.

Baby #1 is the hardest. Nothing changes your life quite like having another person show up to run it for you. What used to be in your control no longer is. I was a pretty patient, level headed person before I had kids. I now realize that was probably because if someone angered me when I was single and childless I could just cut them from my life. No big deal. Apparently, banishing your screaming 9 month old from your life is frowned upon.

Baby #2 is the hardest. Now you have two people in your life that have decided to run it, and they have completely different ideas of how it should be run. One demands constant attention and play time(i.e. “Mom! Watch this!” for the 1,099th time, today). The other wants to eat every 3 hours and will only sleep for 45 minutes at a time. I thought I had lost control before; it had only started.

Baby #3 is also hard. It basically boils down to the kids now outnumber my hands. See how the math just doesn’t work. That makes it hard. But, there is an upside at this point. By now I have gotten much better at letting things go. Baby #1 and Baby #2 were a great prep course for this one. The house doesn’t have to be perfect anymore. I don’t cry anymore when a 14 month old refuses to eat the dinner I made. And I no longer feel like I missed out if I fall asleep during the movie. Very few movies are actually better than sleep.

Baby #4 is emotionally hard. At this point I’ve realized that babies are only small for a short time. Then they turn into sassy toddlers. The tiny giggles make me cry because they will be short lived. I know that this baby will only stay where I put them for a few months. Then they will be able to roll and crawl themselves to wherever they want. It all goes by so fast, and by this time I learned to enjoy it.

Baby #5… Let’s just say that I’ve only made it this far because I’ve let a LOT of things go. My house, my make up, my shower length, my money, having a clean mirror (as pictured above), etc… I’ve also learned that my kids are people too. They make their own choices. No matter how many times I teach them something they might still choose to do the opposite. I’ve learned that I can’t judge my parenting based solely on what all of these other people in my house choose to do.

This is the hardest thing to do. Letting go of the kids.

We are judged so often as parents by how our kids act. We definitely have an influence on that. I’m not saying we don’t. But, sometimes, despite our best efforts they still do things we don’t want them to. That’s life living with people. And that’s what kids are. They are their own people. It doesn’t mean they get a free pass to act like jerks if they want. Just don’t automatically assume you have failed because they choose to act like one. I’ve learned with Baby #5 that what really matters is that at the end of the day I can crawl into bed and feel good about what I did that day. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. But them throwing a fit during the day doesn’t bother me as much if I know that I followed through on the consequences and that I acted how I want to.

Parenting isn’t all about the kids. It’s about the parents too. I used to think I was a good person. And I was. But that was when things felt more in my control. What about who I am when they aren’t?

That’s the real test. Who am I when things don’t go how I want? Who am I when my kid chooses to lie to me again and I don’t know what to do? Who am I when I can’t find my scissors, or my tape, or no one seems to know how to put a new roll of toilet paper on? Who am I when all of these little things pile up and I am running on 2.5 hours of sleep? What do I do then?

We don’t become parents because we’ve reached perfection and have it all figured out. Parenthood is like a level up. It’s harder up here. Everything looks different. Things that worked in the last level don’t work anymore. We have to adapt and change to make it though. To survive.

But from what I hear, the next level, known as Grandparenthood, is pretty awesome.

As for things I’ve learned from Baby # 6?

Baby #6 is probably for the crazy people. 🙂 I guess I’m one of those.